But He Was A Good Guy

The inspiration to write this blog came to me when wife and ex-wife walked over to me at a family gathering with the kids to inform me, they had decided what the epitaph for my tombstone should read. To set the stage for this enlightening event, they had been drinking martinis in my ex-wife’s hot tub for about two hours. While I couldn’t hear their discussion, every once in a while, I would hear phrases like “does he still do” or “did he do ---- when you were married." So needless to say, I was a little nervous at what they were had come up with.

After several seconds of hesitation, I gathered up the nerve to inquire what they had in mind. They informed me after several hours of discussion together, they noticed that they both usually ended their statement with the phrase, “but he is a good guy.” So, they both agreed that is how I should be remembered. For all of my faults, of which they felt were many, they agreed that I was generally a good person.

No sure at first how to react to this revelation, my instincts told me to think before I spoke.  As much as I usually would give them at least a show of defiance, I knew deep down inside the things I do that drive them crazy were all true. I am not the easiest person to live with. I can a slob. I do pee on the toilet seat at times. I almost never admit I wrong. I am a workaholic. I am terrible about noticing they have changed something. At least I was consistent and treated them both the same. I realized that I should be happy these two important women in my life saw me as a good man.

That night as I slept, my mind was dwelling on the events of the day and reflecting on my life in general. To the majority of the people in this world who do not know me well, I am often viewed as a boring person. Nancy, my wife, almost broke up dating me because she felt I was boring. I have learned in life that most people who believe that some are boring came to that conclusion because the other person doesn’t do or like the same things that are important to them.

For most relationships, it is difficult to find someone who likes all the things you like. The important thing is that you love each other and there are more things you like about the person than not, and you can live with the things that bother you. There will always be things that your significant other likes to do that you don't.. The two of you just need to agree that you will allow them to do those things, but realize that you may not want to participate. This must also be a two way street.